She was doing so well

I guess The Shrew has been screwed, and I don't mean the good kind of screwing that has her moaning and screaming for three minutes every other day. It appears that the person living above her tried to fix his sink himself and ended up flooding her apartment. This flood ruined, from what I heard through the paper thin walls, her collection of purses and bags. "They're very important to me. I worked hard to collect these bags. Some of them can't be replaced because they are one of a kind." I could also hear that the guy is refusing to reimburse her for them immediately. "A year? A fucking year! I am not going to get my money for a year???!!! This has cost me $8000 so far in lost bags! Fuck him, fuck that motherfucker!"
Now, who in their right mind spends $8000 on purses and bags??? I mean, it would seem to me that this is a case of priorities being a little bit skewed. Granted, I feel bad that her stuff got ruined, and that the guy is being an asshole for not paying her as quickly as possible, but if you have $8000 in purses something is wrong. It is also wrong that she should be shrieking, and causing all her neighbors to deal with her problems. She constantly whines, "What did I ever do to deserve this?" Well for starters, the fact that she is the loudest resident in our building, and causes those around her to suffer is reason enough for me to think that she deserves this.
The best line from the night had to be, "I haven't even tried on half my clothes that got wet. They've probably all shrunk!" I wanted to yell out, "No you've just gotten fatter!"
My wife ran into The Shrew's boyfriend in the hall. He stated that their were workers coming in to fix the water damage, and that maybe The Shrew wouldn't have anything to complain about anymore. My wife said something to the effect of "We're certainly hoping." Now I feel sorry for the guy, having to deal with her firsthand, but it is a burden brought upon himself. He does his best to calm her down. Telling her that she is a child, but she just berates him for taking the side of the guy upstairs. Poor guy. So I really have no problem with him, afterall, last night night he told her she was full of shit. That took some guts. She ended up apologizing to him. I'm still waiting for my apology.

Reply from Wawa

Dear Mr. Elvis:

The Quality Assurance Department would like to thank you for taking the
time to contact us in regards to the Wawa Milk that you purchased at one
of our Wawa stores. We apologize that the product was not of the quality
expected and would like you to know that this situation will be
addressed with Wawa's dairy and the management team at the store. Wawa
Food Markets is committed to serving the freshest & highest quality
products to our customers. We will be sending you Wawa coupons that you
may use at any of our stores so that you have an additional opportunity
to enjoy some of Wawa's fresh and delicious products.

The Wawa Quality Assurance Team would like to thank you for
taking the time to contact us with your comments and concerns!

Two greatest "crap" lines in a movie

I was watching Grumpier Old Men yesterday while waiting for the wife to get out of the shower. It was on HBO early in the morning. Burgess Meredith was in it, and it occurred to me that he has the two greatest "crap" line in a movie.
The first is from Grumpy Old Men, and I think of it every time I count out some change. I do that a lot, as I try to use up my change as much as possible. Sometimes it annoys the folks at the register when you use 19 nickels and 4 pennies to pay for something that is $0.99.

"Relax. Kids swallow quarters all the time.... Sure! If she craps out two dimes and a nickel, then you can start worrying, huh?"

His other great line comes from Rocky, probably his most memorable role too. When he's trying to toughen Rocky up he tells him, "You're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder!" I couldn't find a sound clip of it, too bad. For a little guy, he sure could motivate, probably better than that Tony Robbins guy. I could use someone like him in my lab.

Letter to Wawa

Dear Wawa,
I am not often moved enough to write a letter of complaint, but your store at 1038 Arch Street, Philadelphia, PA has been leaving me in a state of disgust lately. I have always had pleasant experiences with Wawas across the Mid-Atlantic, whether I am stopping in for gas, milk, or sandwiches. However, this particular store has had problems since my first visit there back in August, 2004.
My first complaint is with the freshness of dairy products being sold in the store. Often times when I go to purchase milk, the available bottles are past their "Sell By" date. The first time it happened, I chalked it up to a one time incident, but it has occurred several times in the past few months. Other area stores, such as CVS and Rite-Aid, usually carry milk that has at least five days left on the "Sell By" date. I am now making the extra two-block walk to those stores to purchase milk. It seems that this is a problem that could be solved by adjusting store inventory and delivery schedules.
The second complaint that I have deals with the friendliness of the some of the staff there. When attempting to pay with large ($20) bills or change, customers are often met with the attitude that it is a large problem to make or count change. The other day, my wife attempted to pay for two bottles of soda with a $10 bill. The employee could not find the "counterfeit detecting" marker and was refusing to take the bill. He finally relented when my wife suggested that she could go to the Wawa ATM and retrieve a $20 from it to pay. I guess it would have meant that he would have had to count out even more change!
I am only writing this because I have had nothing but positive experiences at other Wawas, and I believe that with a little effort the 1038 Arch Street location could be brought up to that same level of customer service that Wawa provides at its other locations.

Thank you for the opportunity to express my views.

And The Bar Kays... Wont Play... Soul Finger...

A feeling of helplessnes is overcoming me as I sit here writing this. Actually it has already overcome, and I am writing this a distract tion to get my mind off it. I also put on some music to try to get this sensation out of my stomach. The ILCK song "Let's Get Killed" usually puts me in a good mood, but it still hasn't come up on the shuffle of my playlist. Right now the Streets' "Fit But You Know It" is on, still a good song, but not what I need right now.
I should hit the forward button, but I have this thing about hurrying the media player through the playlist. Some little obsession that if I hit the forward button, I am ruining the anticipation leading up to the song I really want to hear. So I will just sit here and type away at this until I feel the giant thunder of Chet's Moon Dog through a bass amp hit my ear drums.
The DT's "Proud Man", well maybe one more song and it will come on.***
Proud. Am I proud right now? No. What I have I got to show for myself. Other than my wife, that is. I have no papers published, one poster presentation at a conference, and I haven't started the work I said I would start on Monday.
Here it is. Granted I haven't uploaded the EFUB version, just the Peel Sessions version. Still a rocking song, but not the best version
*** Ooh I ask for water, gave me gasoline ***
I think I am drinking too much... Dr. Pepper that is. Currently there are four bottles on my desk in various states of completion. Three are from today. I have this jittery feeling in my arms and in my chest that doesn't usually go away until I wake up the next morning. Then it is a another 60 - 72 oz. of Dr. Pepper throughout the day. I am sure the folks in Plano love people like me, but this has got to be adding to my health issues. I think I felt better overall when I was drinking that much beer every day.
*** OOh I ask for teachers, I get politicians ***
Isn't it true how much of life is governed by politics. And I'm not even talking about elections and laws. I am talking about everything that matters. I haven't done my thesis proposal yet, I get sideways glances from the chair all the time about it. Meanwhile he has two students who have been here one and two years longer than me respectively. They just gave their proposals within the last two months. Do you think they get the same looks? They should be getting it worse.
*** I ask for salvation, and I get stoned ***

Hockey, Hospitals, and Houses

This has been a year to rival 1986 for me. The Pats are back in the Superbowl, The Sox won the World Series, and Auburn finished 13-0. Now if the C's can just finish over 0.500 for the season my glow would shine a bit brighter. I guess I am forgetting about hockey, as most of the nation has. Too bad, the owners are only hurting themsleves, as are the players. Hopefully it won't die like women's soccer has.
The roads today were awful, and not having anything but 23 mm slicks on my bike, I didn't feel like braving it up to work. The last thing I need right now is a hospital bill. So it was back on my favorite metal box, SEPTA.
We are also semi-house hunting. We went out in the snow to see a few with our realtor. I noticed that every house we saw had a similar smell to it. They all smelled different, but only slightly. It was this wierd pet/onion/B.O. smell, that occurred no matter what section of the city we were in. I wonder if our condo will smell like that to someone else. I mean, I once broke up with a girl because I didn't like the smell of her apartment. Not that it was disgusting, I just didn't like it. People try to cover those scents with pot pouri, but you can still sense it, hiding behind the dried cinnamon and flowers. How long does it take to go away???

Truly Freezing?

The other night, the local new channel (Fox 29 for those wondering) was doing a story on how the cold was affecting the city. Granted they did provide a small amount of coverage on how the homeless shelters are completely open at these temperatures and on the dangers of carbon monoxide poisoning from heaters, but most of their coverage was about how it was affecting people who don't really suffer from the extreme cold.

"The cold is making it brutal for college students."

What kind of headline is that? Oh, the poor college students are cold as they scurry from their heated dorms to the heated classrooms. I think the university at which I work has made me completely apathetic to the droning complaints of undergraduates. There are tons of kids here dressed entirely in Polo, Nautica, and Brooks Bros. They whine when you give them homework that actually requires them to decipher a periodic table or, Heaven forbid, look up the volume formula for a cone! Next thing you know there will be headlines like, "Beer is making it difficult for students to get up for early morning classes." Worthless news. (Oxymoron!) The best part was that they ended the report with a shot of two people smoking with the announcer saying, "These two were able to brave the cold for a quick smoke." Fucking heroes for going out into the cold to kill themselves. Bravo, Fox!

Subway etiquette

Why is it that people who live in this city have trouble with Subway etiquette?

It never fails that as soon as the door opens, the people on the platform are trying their hardest to get in the car. No matter how many people need to get out. I was waiting outside the door to let riders exit before I got on, and this lady started pushing me from behind to try to get on. The driver will not leave the station while people are still trying to get off. You will get on the subway. Just wait your turn.

So now, everyone has gotten off the subway that needed to. It is my turn to enter. About three people who had shoved their way on before me stopped as soon as they got in the doors, refusing to move farther down the aisle to let others on. So I say excuse me and try to slip by them. They all give me rude looks as I try to get down the aisle. I made sure my bag hit at least one of them in the shoulder, some woman who wouldn't even acknowledge me when I excused myself. These people must think that if they move down the aisle a bit, or even shift a few inches to let me by, they will miss their stop. Now, I have always been able to get off the subway, no matter how crowded it is. And these aren't tourists either, but people who have lived here all their lives.

I hate the fcking subway system in this city. This is why I love riding my bike. It may take me a few minutes longer than the subway, but at least I don't have to deal with fat, smelly, selfish people who can't seem to gather the notion of what living in a society truly means. The subway is like a little micro-society. You can tell that these people who act like this on the subway act the same way out there in the world.

Nature's contempt for man. Or, Why I love the web.

My face felt fine at first, my chin tucked into the collar of my jacket, and my hat pulled low over my eyebrows. A constant wind from my left was taunting me the entire time. I refused to let it know that I noticed its presence. Looking straight ahead, not flinching one way or the other. A look to the left, and it would know I was searching for a sign that it would relent. A look to the right, and it would know that I was trying to hide from its stinging jab. I took a militaristic approach to waiting the wind out; straight ahead, eyes on the target, blocking all outside influences.
As time dragged on, the wind became more persistent. A light snow began to fall, further proving Nature's contempt for man today. The wind found ways beneath my defenses; the holes between the zipper's teeth and the gaps between the jacket's hem and my legs. It swirled up into my jacket, taking heat from my body and gently warming itself next to my skin. Others around me were defeated and left their desires unfulfilled. Still I waited.
Finally, the call came from within the weary, white truck. My time had come, my etched, pale hand reached into my pocket to remove what little money I had. The bills had become intertwined with my keys, the numbness in my fingers making it all the more difficult to remove them. I reached out, dropping the money into the woman's hand. She handed me my prize, wrapped in a white plastic bag.
I turned to leave, my back to my enemy, defiant. The wind, sensing that it had been beaten back during this skirmish swung around the building in haste, leaving the alley in a vacuum. The small flurries swirled upward bereft of gravity. The steps came easily to me, striding forward towards the open pass at the top of the alley. That is when the wind would strike. It had shifted and was driving the snow across the mouth of the alley in a horizontal assault on my weakened left side.
But, now my mission would allow me to turn and face the enemy head-on. I trudged into the brunt of the wind and snow, ducking my head below the crystalline barrage. Across the open streets and lots, spent flurries dancing at my feet. Until finally, the door to warmth was reached. Keys in hand, I was feeling the warmth before I even stepped inside.

I guess this a really bad way to describe my 10 minutes outside to get a bowl of wonton soup and a couple of egg rolls. God I love the web.

Snow brings an end to Peyton's reign!

MVP in this case must stand for Most oVer-rated Player. He deserves to start for the AFC in the Pro Bowl. He will perform wonderfully in the 80 degree Hawaiian weather. However, the only way that he will ever win a Super Bowl is if the Colts end up with home field advantage all the way through the playoffs, and if the big game is in a dome. He spent 8 of his 15 games in domes, and another 4 in what we'll call the South. His only visits to typically cold weather climes (Foxboro and Chicago) occurred, respectively, in the summer and against a God-awful team.
He handled himself well against the Pats the first time around. I actually planned the travel for my honeymoon such that we had a layover during the game. (I somehow managed to watch the Pats and two of three Sox v. Yanks games during the honeymoon w/out cutting into the amourous adventures of Us) New England showed that they were a better TEAM that week. This time around, the Pats had to go out and, for some reason, re-prove to everyone that they are a great TEAM. It was like the media had forgotten the Pats as a TEAM, because Manning threw for all those TDs. The lone bright spot for Indy in this game was Vander Jerk hitting a FG in relatively tough conditions.
So this morning the Pats are where they should be; 3-point favorites, on the road, against Pittsburgh. They are prediciting snow for that weekend in the Steel City, although that is a week away. I think this will be Big Ben's reality check. The Pats have Dillon, the defense is playing at a level like no other (without their starting CBs!), and Brady is getting the job done. I am looking forward to it.
And, by the way, Sean Salisbury's apology on Sportscenter this morning was noted by this Pat's fan. He will never pick against NE again this year. Not in our house, not on our watch. Bring us Philly.

A weekend away from The Shrew

I have a weekend away from The Shrew. We are heading up to my parents for a late-Christmas. I just hope that we get out of the airport on time. The last two trips to the airport have resulted in a combined 13 hours of delays.
The Shrew is free to bitch and moan all she wants. They can have loud raucous sex, and she can cry all she wants when the Eagles lose. Ha!

Starting this up again

From the response to a posting on bikeforums.net about that bitch of a neighbor of mine, people seem interested in hearing what she has to say. I am setting up an mp3 recorder in my domicile to record the ambient noise, which often includes here screaming.
Last night, we met with a realtor about selling the place. She (The Shrew) was doing so well, keeping realtively quiet, until she tried to send an email. Just as the realtor was getting ready to leave, she starts shreiking, "Work, work, work! Damnit! Why won't this fucking email send? " It was about a mintue and half of straight yelling that her email won't go through. You could hear her banging her mouse and keyboard. The realtor just looked at us, "It will be nice to get away from that..." I am thinking that I will need to slip her a twenty, and tell her to take a walk around the block when we have an open house. Besides she could stand to lose the weight.